Is This Rape?

55

He walked into the bedroom, reeking of alcohol and Peace knew he had been out with the boys again. She also suspected that he had probably exceeded his limit. She muttered a quick Thank You to the Lord for bringing him home safely. Her greatest fear was that one day, she would receive a call from the hospital inviting her to identify his mashed up body. Thankfully, it would not be this night.

He switched on the lights, but she pretended she was asleep.

Are you awake? he slurred, but she held her peace, not giving off any sign that she was awake. She continued to breathe in and out slowly so that he would leave her alone for she did not want a fight. She could feel him standing by her side watching her, but she’d made up her mind and she was sticking with her plan.

Wake up oh! he muttered before staggering into the bathroom to take a very loud pee. She was sure that the stream of urine would hit everywhere but the toilet bowl. She’d had to wipe up his mess many mornings after his drinking binge while he’d lay in bed, holding his sore head in his hands and pleading that he had a headache.

She was suddenly angered by the unfairness of it all. She’d just returned from taking the thermometer reading of their 8 year old daughter who was suffering from a bad bout of tonsillitis and she’d had to go over to the in-laws to serve his father dinner because his mother was away to care for his sister’s new arrival. Instead of being around to help her, he’d called her from work to say one of his colleagues was celebrating his birthday and there would be a hangout.

Their six year old son had refused to sleep early because he’d been waiting for his daddy to show him how to play the new game he had gifted the boy with. She’d had to come up with a lie, one of the many that she always had in store for such occasions.

Suddenly angered by his indifference to his family, she was more resolute that she would not wake up to acknowledge his presence.

Na wa oh, so no food. What kind of house is this? he muttered as he tried to shake her awake.

Wake up joh. He said, but gave up when she did not budge, he laid beside her. She could feel his weight depress the bed by her side and she knew he wanted some ‘action’ for each person always kept their sides of the bed and they only ever came to the centre for ‘action’. She was determined that he would not get any tonight. She could feel his turgid erection in her back for he was already naked and ready.

Oya he said, but she ignored.

She could feel one of his hands on her buttocks, cupping it, trying to shake her awake and she breathed a sigh of thanks that she’s worn pyjamas and not a night dress. At least, his access was impeded. She was surprised when he did not give up and as his other hand went round her to cup her left breast.

Feeling violated, she pushed his hands away.

Don’t try that!’ she said fully alert

Don’t try what? Are you not my wife? he asked as he returned his hand to her breast and pulled her nipple hard.

I said stop it! she said sitting up

Stop what? Lie down joh, come here he said as he dragged her to him. He was much bigger than she, so it was an effortless move on his part.

I have warned you! She said as she turned her back to him.

Bring your pussy here. you know you want it. You know you want it bad. I already paid for it. He muttered in a sing song voice as he tried to finger her through the thin silk of her pyjamas bottoms

I think you are mad. She said as she got up to leave the room but he met her at the door and dragged her back into the room, towards the bed. As she struggled, she fell on the floor and he pounced on her. In no time he had put his whole weight upon her, using his strong knee to part her legs.

Stop it, stop it, wait, wait I can’t breathe she said

Shut up, you are my wife. I married you legally. You must give me what I want he said through gritted teeth

I will give you she said, Just Stop! she repeated as she could hear her trouser get ripped

Don’t do this! she pleaded

You are my wife! You should be happy to oblige me. Many men would fuck prostitutes outside but I bring it home, you can’t starve me he said, as he kept on feeling, looking for the spot to slide it into

Wait. I’m not ready. Let me get the KY Jelly she said

You will be okay he said as he forced his way in Ahhh, it is too dry he complained

Stop, stop as she struggled to get off him

Make it wet! make it wet! he said as he slammed into her manically

Peace could not believe she was back here for this had happened to her in her Junior Secondary! She had been open and had told her husband all the gory details. He’s been so caring and helped her through all her sexual hang ups and she’d learnt to enjoy sex with him. He was her only real experience. How could he? How could he?

No, No, No she said, as she was taken back into the past and her mind got locked up. It felt the exact same way, the invasion, the pain.

Abruptly, it stopped. He had come and slid out of her. It was over and he rolled over and slept off on the cosy rug in their room, snoring even before his eyes were closed.

It dawned on her that her own husband had raped her! She sat on the floor and cried. She sat at that spot and cried throughout the night. She cried for a love that was dead, for everything that they could have been and most importantly, for the loss of her dignity.

When she went to pee the next morning, it stung so bad. It was as though she’d been cut with a razor in a thousand places down below. She knew she had to take this case up, but she did not know how.

She ached all over and when she got back into the room and saw him where he’s slept on the floor, she felt her bile rise, but her phone rang and it was his dad.

My dear, I just wanted to thank you for the supper last night said the old man

My God will bless you, Joy will never cease from your home. Your children will not suffer. You and your husband will grow old together… she interjected before she knew she had

No, Papa. You son will grow old in jail alone she said angrily

God forbid. If he has done anything to upset you, my dear. Please count it as my offence and forgive him. He is your husband said the old man

No, Papa. You are not the one that raped me! She yelled at him

Rape? How can a husband rape his own wife? It is not possible. Maybe you are just angry for now. Let your anger calm down. I will visit you both this afternoon and get to the bottom of this. he said sounding unworried. It seemed as though he’d found her allegation laughable.

Shortly after Papa cut the phone, she got a text message from him. It went thus:

***My dear daughter, please do not make a ridicule of yourself and your husband. Do not repeat this story to anybody. Remember the Bible says in Corinthians that “Let the husband render his conjugal dues to his wife, and in the same way also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have power over her own body, but the husband; and in the same way also, the husband does not have power over his own body, but the wife” and in “Ephesians Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.” The Lord will be with you both.***

Peace looked at the phone and wondered if she had a case. Was it really impossible for a husband to rape his wife?

Share your thoughts on this issue. Is this rape or not? Is marital rape even possible Who is right Peace or Grandpa? Over to you, the verdict is yours….

****

Inspired by a tweet shared by Sisi Yemmie on her handle yesterday, I wondered if it was truly possible for a husband to rape his own wife. Purely a work of fiction, the story above seeks to make us think about this. I would really love to hear the legal and spiritual views. See you in the comments section. I promise.

****

 

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55 Comments

It's your turn, what do you think?

  1. Spousal rape!!!!!!!!! It is only in Nigeria dat it is not punishable how can a man force himself on a woman wife or not its a punishable offence abroad with evidence bible did not say d man shd force himself on his wife..

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    • @Temilola,just calm down because is not as bad as you think.First of all,the man is very faithful to his wife because a lot of men will just cheat on their wife without even feeling bad about it but this man chooses to go to his wife for it.And you are here taking panadol for another man's headache.

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      • Spare me d talk.. you are a woman am sure u ll neva say dat.. wife or no wife husband or no husband no woman deserves to be ever forced to av sex am a woman and m not taking panadol for anoda man's headache if yr sister comes one day and tell u dat her hubby forced himself on her when he was drunk drunk or no drunk won't u feel her right has been violated so spare me the panadol for anoda man's headache talk won't be surprised if u belong in dat category too a drunk person ll do wat he has in mind alcohol or no alcohol

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  2. Can we just stop using the Bible to manipulate women abeg! That same Bible describes how a man should love his wife, but 'advisers' no dey see that verse o!

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  3. How can this be termed as rape? The guy was just drunk. His wife is overreacting maybe I because of her past experience. She should chill and listen to her father in laws wisdom. All these feminist ideas are just ruining homes anyhow.

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    • Guy I think u need to be castrated WTF yr gf or wife shd be careful of u cos if she isn't careful you are gonna abuse her the guy was drunk and he forced himself on her so let's say he forced himself on his daughter thinking she is d wife will u open dat yr mouth and talk abt feminism..go check yr brain bro

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      • Look here, respect yourself. We are all entitled to our opinions. No need to insult me. I have expressed my opinion. There is no history of such behaviour from the man and I've had my say. Don't get me angry

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    • I'm not surprised! If you were a woman on the other hand and experienced any form of violation, your boldness in conjuring such irrational statements would be understandable. I guess your fiancee or wife should be prepared for identical occurrences and excuses should you happen to get drunk. SMH!
      Quite pathetic to say the least.

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    • Whilst you are allowed your own opinion, i do not have to agree Paul. I don't care if this is the first time it has happened, it doesn't make it right. So what if he is her husband or paid a bride price ( I think this should be abolished abeg), he still defiled her. A man is meant to love and cherish his wife. Better he ask for her forgiveness. Its up to her to decide if she wants to forgive him or not ( i wouldn't) but who am i to judge her? She's the victim here not him. The Bible don't agree with forcing your spouse so stop using it as a tool to subjugate women

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    • Ewwww victor,are you really sure you are a guy?Are you married?Or you are those men that can pretend but at home they can even do more than what that husband did to his wife.

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  4. I think she should listen to her father in law because the hubby is a good man that was just drunk. How many men will know that their women have been raped and still stick by them? She should focus on working on the alcoholism because that is the real problem here

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          • He said "You are my wife! You should be happy to oblige me. Many men would fuck prostitutes outside but I bring it home" do you really know how many married women praying for God to stop their husband from cheating?A lot.I think the wife is not really smart because at these moment,she suppose to be looking for how to help her hubby to get out of spirit of ALCOHOLIC.

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            • So because of the STUPID statement, she shld have forgotten about the emotional problem she was having the guy not helping out, kids not feeling fine and all! All for "I cld have gone to a prostitute", she wld have given a trophy and spread her legs?!!! Like seriously Mr Henry?!!!

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              • @OLORI,I'm 100% sure you are not married,or you are a single mother.You see those happy couples around you?If they open up(good and bad secret)for you,you will just change your perceptive about this issue.

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              • @OLORI,I wish I have the time to share a story with you,but I will try to make it short.
                Do you know that Alcohol makes mature men to behave like a child because all his actions is under the influence of alcohol.

                When I was growing up,I knew of a neighbor that loved anything alcoholic.Whenever he get drunk,he always embarrassed his wife in public without even knowing what he's doing.As soon as his eyes have cleared,he will be feeling remorseful and begged his wife to forgive him.

                I remembered back then,his attitude really irritated me a lot.Now as a mature man and I don't take anything alcoholic,thanks to him.

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  5. because she said no!!! n he forced her......although the Bible says not to deny each other but forcing yourself is not right......in this part of the world u can sure go to prison for that.....on the flip side I have heard of women who go through same here and their actions changed the foolish husband ....you should not reply foolishness with stupidity! He was drunk! I know this does not sound too good but rejecting him when he is out of his senses is not a smart move.....some men will not even come home for it! dont get me wrong.I am not saying d guy is right .The big issue is everyone is just doing what is right in their own eyes ...there is no fear of God....

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    • All(women)of them don come out dey say na rape.If the husband dey pursue small small girls outside,those women go still dey say men na bingo.yeye dey smell.

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  6. For me it is rape. The Bible does not support forcing your wife to have sex...everything is to be done in love.
    Also being drunk is not an excuse, if you're caught stealing or you shoot and kill someone or drive while drunk: you get arrested; it should not be different for 'raping' your wife or a lady.

    In this story if he is repentant she should forgive him and work on his drunkeness and his fatherly responsibilities, there is nothing prayer cannot solve. Especially if he is willing, even if he is not God can break his will to change him.

    Drunkenness or alcoholism and related challenges in marriage for me in most cases are spiritual issues which may be strongholds the devil uses to cause friction. .especially in supposedly 'good' couples.
    What is bad is bad, we should work to do what is nice, noble and good...and not make excuses. If you have a good woman. ..treat her right abeg! No one should take anyone for granted in marriage or relationships.

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  7. I agree with the grandpa! As a Christian, peace needs to submit to her husband. When she married, she gave herself and all to him. She had no right to deny him more especially when he was drunk. She shld have just consented and then sorted issues out with him when the alcohol cleared.

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    • @Titi,you sabi(very intelligent)something no bi small.I love women like you because your brain no bi fish own.

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      • @henry, really?!!! Pls what are you insinuating?! That women have fish brain??!!!! We know your type, I would not dignify your ignorance and stupidity with a response.

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          • @Henry I think u really need to stuff yr hand in yr mouth..m glad u r born of a woman so please note yr mum nd female siblings too av fish brain cos m sure you ll fight if yr fada molested yr moda ..WTF egoistic guys all around who does that u lost it wen u sed olori must be single or a single mother please wia av yr sense of responsibility gone too so cos she stood for her self she has no husband abi..I pity the girls dat r in one or d way romantically linked with u

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        • Olori! If you see a mad-man on the road, do u exchange words with him?...erm no u don't! Lest you be be branded as a mad person. Don't even bother...

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  8. It is definitely rape but unfortunately in this society, if a wife makes that claim, people will shut u up and make it seem like it's not a big deal. Another way to look at it... he was drunk, he didn't know half of what he was doing and all that was in his mind was sex and who better than his wife. Still doesn't take away the fact that it is rape though but kind of makes it easier to forgive him.

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  9. Na wa for some comments here, well I'm sure they are men, supporting their own! How can it not be termed rape?!!!!! We really need a over hauling of our legal system to teach some of these men some serious lesson!

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    • YOU ALL SHOULD JUST SHUTUP WITH THIS RAPE CLAIM, NIGERIANS UNA MUST CARRY UNA IGNORANCE EVERYWHERE, VERY QUICK TO FORGET THEIR VOWS, "FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE" these days, vows just seem to most couple as formalities.

      If you feel offended or that he raped u & can't go on, file for divorce move on, otherwise forgive him & talk to him about it, how it hurt you & how it reminded you of a past you buried & all that, and gradually heal through the experience, possibly starve him of sex for a while, but don't make a big deal out of this kind of things, clearly she married a drunk & she only feel extremely violated because of her dark past, this scenario would have happened to a lot of couples, wives rape their Husbands steady on a regular but how foolish will the man sound if he went around shouting rape?? He's a man na, he can handle it, some naive women will say but yet fight for equal right, feminism things...

      If it's seen as rape to a woman, then for any wife that forceful takes sex from her husband will also be treated as a case of rape.

      This traditional & religious reasoning is taking away the space for logic in the mind of citizens, ya'll should chill...

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      • If this is rape as many would claim it is, what happens when a woman does it to her husband??? Rape is a disgusting thing, associating or tagging it to your husband, u went on alter to vow to is just very lame, some women will forgive a cheating husband but this is totally unacceptable?

        When a woman rapes her husband, he'll still kiss her goodnight & pet her, despite whatever pain or stress he feels, no one would hear of it, he clearly has a drinking problem, ain't bout forceful penetration, this shit is just lame cos if u call this rape, then women rape their husband almost every time they want sex, if you are married, you'll notice how furious a woman will get when u refuse her of sex, the drunk was prolly rushing home to make love to his wife but Shayo issues changed everything.

        Ya'll so quick to forget the vows you make on the altar, that's like 95% problem with many marriages & the woman always have to victimize herself & the man would feel keeping a side chic may help him save his marriage, dumb shit happening over & over again.

        For better for Worse, applies to the man & to the woman, stop this biase judgement s couple, two become one & this kind of shit shouldn't even be on social media if it really happened;

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      • @ namers club, so in your dictionary, forcefully having sex without consent is "for better for worse abi" na wa for all these silly mehn out there these days!!! No wonder problem dey for marriages in this generation. See the way dem dey think. Na wa hian!!

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        • Olori... U skip the important messages & just let u emotions speak, 1. he is a drunk, clearly... 2. If a man has to rape his own wife to make love to her then he isn't a real man & he has no game, the man clearly is the problem in all of this, but call it rape? Dont u think that's too much of a harsh word?

          U didn't answer, what happens when a woman do it to a man, or will u say women don't forcefully engage in sex with their husband??? They'll be proud and say "my own husband"...

          Then blow it all on his fathers face when he called to appreciate her?? Haba!
          Worse she brings it on social media? Attention seeking or what?? C'mon... Olori means high up I guess so act like it, stop your biase judgement, imagine if it was a man that did all that to her after she raped her husband, he speak like that to her own father and make hell of a noise on social media about it, c'mon...

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          • Can a woman just express their own view bout this situation if it was flipped the other way round, cos wives rape their husband steady & that's not a new thing, cos he has an erection doesn't mean he wants sex, so if she forces herself on him, is he also allowed to shout at her father & threaten to arrest his daughter? Is he also allowed to come on social media to rant bout it?

            Please educate us ignorant men so we know the next action to take the next time our wives rapes us.

            Oya Sorry, Pls advice...

            If there's no sense in the man acting that way then there's no sense in the woman acting that way, it's even worse cos she is responsible for the man, two wrongs don't make a right.

            But sha, advice us ignorant, stupid, arrogant, dumb Nigerian men, let us learn.

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              • @SP yea I have a story, if this is called rape then my wife rapes me every other night but I don't think there's no sense entertaining a bunch of ignorant Internet gossip junkies with my internal affairs with my wife in my own home,

                @temitope, after all I wrote u still call me ignorant, I guess people like you will confuse honesty for being ignorant so I can't win, I already established that I was ignorant na, why rub it in instead of answering the question, you just being a woman skipping the most important areas to focus on areas that tingle ur emotion, & there's no winnings with ur species, so can you atleast answer the question now we all agree I am ignorant,

                If my wife played the same actions on me can I call her a rapist, yell it to her father & threaten to arrest his daughter & then come on social media to make a mockery of my Union with my wife, since no one is seeing what's wrong with her reaction, no one seeing the fact she married a drunk, help me understand if these actions were played on a man is it justifiable if a man acted the way she did?

                Cos that would also mean, if my wife took some of my money without telling me, I can call her a theif and report it to her father & claim to have her arrested?

                Enough with the double standard, can a woman answer my question? Cos it's just so obvious your species are just used to being selfish and victimizing themselves without thinking logical... Ya'll just some Emotional creature. So I guess I'll not get an answer,

                If I was her husband & I saw this on social media, I'll tell her "she doesn't deserve a man like me, I'll tell her I can't erase the image i have replaced myself with in her head & I can't continue with this relationship knowing that's how she sees me & I'll file for a divorce straight"

                If you would call your own husband a rapist then you might as well end the relationship cos there's no coming back from that, cos rape is the most disgusting thing on this planet, it's one of those unforgivable things so, if she claims her husband is a rapist then he should end the relationship cos that'll always be a problem in their relationship.

                I think rapist is too harsh a word to use on your husband or wife, better she say "my husband forcefully took advantage of me sexually than call him a rapist.

                If I was him, I would ask for forgiveness & end the relationship, since ya'll think its that horrible then this is the only way to solve such a mess.

                I thought I could educate ya'll but ignorance is like bad oil, once full blown it becomes hard wo whip off, una go dey alright...

                I pray this never happens to anyone but ladies if it does happen to you,'do exactly what she did and come on social media to make a fool of your Union with your husband & maybe we can dedicate a hashtag for you so the attention you seek can really blow up in your face.

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                • @Namers,assuming you are the one that did that to your wife,the whole world will hear it.Your wife raped you and nobody hear about it.I don't like it when women get too attached to petty issues.

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  10. It is rape!
    All the events prior to the sex with 'his wife' are inhuman and annoying. The best way to make meaning of it is for the man to imagine if his wife was a lot more bigger and stronger than he is and did same. The same bible said ' Do unto others as you want them to do to you' - That is the Lord's newest commandment.
    My two cents..........

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  11. This is has rape written all over it…..It’s absolutely wrong to force yourself on your spouse and the excuse of him being drunk doesn’t exonerate him .
    In the midst of the squabble, she pleaded with him and was ready to consent, all she asked for was time to get the KY Jelly, instead the pinned her down and forced his way, that’s certainly not part of the vows made before God for those that think it’s acceptable because they are married.

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  12. I'm a bit surprised by some of the comments by spme men here trying to say this is not rape. We are qll entitled to our opinions but as someome said below, If men are thinking like this then no wonder we have many troubled marriages.

    Forced sex that hurts a woman is a violation. ..as it happened in this fictional story is rape. End of story!

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  13. All sorts of comments. Lol
    I feel she should go far away from the guy, the environment and everything till she heals completely for the sake of the kids. Irrespective of the fact that she's married, shes still human and has got a terrible past that was repeated. Call it rape or not, that's the fact bottom line. When she's OK, she can return to him that's if she so pleases. That's what I think though.

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