WHAT WOMEN WANT
Last week, I made efforts to reconnect with an old friend who felt I had become a bad friend as I had not been attentive to her in recent times. I decided to make her a peace offering. My definition of a peace offering is food. I am one of those people who believe that food can resolve any issue in this world. For me, food is the solution to all problems. Food will make an angry boyfriend happy, it would make a little child smile, and hopefully in this case, it would make an ‘ignored’ friend know that you still think about her. For me, food will even end all the wars and strife in this world.
The minute he stepped into my office, he burst into lamentations. Every sentence was punctuated with ‘I don’t even know what she wants from me’. Una see say I suppose start church as I don dey see vision ba? Apparently, this dude was at his wit’s end. His lady had done the one thing men never seem to expect from women. She had confused him with her mixed signals, indirect requests and sudden arctic aura. The poor man could not figure out what the problem was!
I felt awkward being asked to act as relationship counsellor because me sef still dey find counsellor wey go gree analyse me. Anyway, I asked the dude to pinpoint the specific issues, I wanted him to delve and see if he had offended her in recent times. He stared blankly at me for about three minutes, like a fish head, and then whispered ‘I really do not know, I think she has done the 360 degrees on me and I cannot figure the reason out’.
My guess is that several men have found themselves in this exact position at one point or the other in their lives. It does seem that indeed women have been in the business of confounding men since BC. Anyway, I asked Mr Loverman to tell me the things he is certain about, those things he felt that his woman definitely wanted or expected from him. I felt this would be a good starting point rather than dwelling on things he did not know.
By the time the dude reeled out his list, I began to suspect what his issues were. The mumu expected that he could put a woman in one box and apply the same formula to her all the time. She be BODMAS? His short, three item list of what his significant other needed were Money, Fun times and Good Looks. I nodded my head as though in agreement but I was really thinking to myself that if these were the only things his woman wanted, then he had it easy.
I asked if he had been able to satisfy the needs on this short list and he muttered something along the lines of having no time because he had to make the money. I thought to myself ‘issok mr. mumu, why dem nor go freeze you out eh? I was about to verbalise this but held back because I know that relationship dynamics are different from one to the next just as individual needs are also quite diverse.
From our long conversation, I got a glimpse of a man’s perspective on relationship issues. It began to seem as though men have been judged too harshly by society, especially in recent times. They actually really make efforts for their women but these have gone unappreciated for too long.
They try to provide for us after all, those nice things we want cost money. They try to look good for us – don’t worry, the little issue of a growing pot belly can be resolved by going to the gym for one straight week. They try to protect us – they would definitely deal with any one who steps on your dainty toes. The men try to avoid arguments with us to make us happy, so ladies stop feeling ignored. He is only trying to keep the peace as he knows how to. In spite of all these painful sacrifices from them, women and society never cut them any slack. One wonders if women really are not Oliver Twists in their expectation of men.
In my normal fashion, I carry Mr. Loverman’s matter on top of my head and began to play the scenario out, using myself as the main character – the scorned female. I wondered if my friend had tried to analyse his woman’s current need. Men should know that whilst we have needs, these needs change and we would like our men to learn to interpret those changing needs.
Our needs are driven by such things as hormones, the wind, the sighting of the new moon, the fashion seasons, the last person we saw before we slept, the first person we saw when we got up, the side of the bed we woke up from and who are currently keeping malice with. While inconclusive, I do not think that is a very difficult list to analyse or is it?
At the end of this conversation, Mr. Loverman put his hands on his head and exclaimed ‘You women are too complex! I am not better off in spite of this conversation! What do women want sef?’
So over to you ladies and gentlemen, what do women want? Men, try to identify the things a woman wants and ladies, here is an opportunity to speak now or forever hold your peace.
After all, the verdict is yours…