WHAT WOMEN WANT

Last week, I made efforts to reconnect with an old friend who felt I had become a bad friend as I had not been attentive to her in recent times. I decided to make her a peace offering. My definition of a peace offering is food. I am one of those people who believe that food can resolve any issue in this world. For me, food is the solution to all problems. Food will make an angry boyfriend happy, it would make a little child smile, and hopefully in this case, it would make an ‘ignored’ friend know that you still think about her. For me, food will even end all the wars and strife in this world.

 
So I got cooking, I made her favourite meal of pasta in cream sauce, packed it up and rushed to her house before it got cold. Upon presentation of the meal, my friend turned up her nose and informed me that I had actually provoked her with my ‘gift’. I stood there like an ode wondering ‘kilo tun de bayi o’ when she said this is the reason why she was upset with me in the first place. She had apparently started living a healthier lifestyle two years back and as such, dairy and white pasta were no longer on her menu. She had given it up two years ago and I didn’t even know! I felt really foolish but hey, food no suppose waste, I down the food. I shall look for other ways to make up with her some other time.
I am reminded of this my misadventure yesterday when I returned from an offsite meeting to see several ‘urgent’ post-it notes all over my desk. A close colleague had been desperately trying to reach me. I called his extension to find out what the matter was but he informed me that he was going to come over immediately as we needed to talk and this one ‘nor be phone matter’. I wondered what the matter was. I suspected that it was not related to work, I felt it could only be ‘woman palaver’.

The minute he stepped into my office, he burst into lamentations. Every sentence was punctuated with ‘I don’t even know what she wants from me’. Una see say I suppose start church as I don dey see vision ba? Apparently, this dude was at his wit’s end. His lady had done the one thing men never seem to expect from women. She had confused him with her mixed signals, indirect requests and sudden arctic aura. The poor man could not figure out what the problem was!

I felt awkward being asked to act as relationship counsellor because me sef still dey find counsellor wey go gree analyse me. Anyway, I asked the dude to pinpoint the specific issues, I wanted him to delve and see if he had offended her in recent times. He stared blankly at me for about three minutes, like a fish head, and then whispered ‘I really do not know, I think she has done the 360 degrees on me and I cannot figure the reason out’.

My guess is that several men have found themselves in this exact position at one point or the other in their lives. It does seem that indeed women have been in the business of confounding men since BC. Anyway, I asked Mr Loverman to tell me the things he is certain about, those things he felt that his woman definitely wanted or expected from him. I felt this would be a good starting point rather than dwelling on things he did not know.

By the time the dude reeled out his list, I began to suspect what his issues were. The mumu expected that he could put a woman in one box and apply the same formula to her all the time. She be BODMAS? His short, three item list of what his significant other needed were Money, Fun times and Good Looks. I nodded my head as though in agreement but I was really thinking to myself that if these were the only things his woman wanted, then he had it easy.

I asked if he had been able to satisfy the needs on this short list and he muttered something along the lines of having no time because he had to make the money. I thought to myself ‘issok mr. mumu, why dem nor go freeze you out eh? I was about to verbalise this but held back because I know that relationship dynamics are different from one to the next just as individual needs are also quite diverse.

From our long conversation, I got a glimpse of a man’s perspective on relationship issues. It began to seem as though men have been judged too harshly by society, especially in recent times. They actually really make efforts for their women but these have gone unappreciated for too long.

They try to provide for us after all, those nice things we want cost money. They try to look good for us – don’t worry, the little issue of a growing pot belly can be resolved by going to the gym for one straight week. They try to protect us – they would definitely deal with any one who steps on your dainty toes. The men try to avoid arguments with us to make us happy, so ladies stop feeling ignored. He is only trying to keep the peace as he knows how to. In spite of all these painful sacrifices from them, women and society never cut them any slack. One wonders if women really are not Oliver Twists in their expectation of men.

In my normal fashion, I carry Mr. Loverman’s matter on top of my head and began to play the scenario out, using myself as the main character – the scorned female. I wondered if my friend had tried to analyse his woman’s current need. Men should know that whilst we have needs, these needs change and we would like our men to learn to interpret those changing needs.

Our needs are driven by such things as hormones, the wind, the sighting of the new moon, the fashion seasons, the last person we saw before we slept, the first person we saw when we got up, the side of the bed we woke up from and who are currently keeping malice with. While inconclusive, I do not think that is a very difficult list to analyse or is it?

At the end of this conversation, Mr. Loverman put his hands on his head and exclaimed ‘You women are too complex! I am not better off in spite of this conversation! What do women want sef?’

So over to you ladies and gentlemen, what do women want? Men, try to identify the things a woman wants and ladies, here is an opportunity to speak now or forever hold your peace.

After all, the verdict is yours…

Love this!(1)Naaah!(0)

50 Comments

It's your turn, what do you think?

  1. I think if a man listens and processes every conversation with a woman they can tell what the woman wants at that time. Notice I said I that time cos their needs change based on the reasons you gave and much more

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  2. For me as a man, I think women need our listening ear. That is what I am working on right now. Fewer football matches (but not Chelsea games o!!!). In any case we need to realize that these babes reason from their heart while we reason from the boxes in our head. Let's give them little more time to express themselves.
    Na my thought be this o.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  3. You cant read a woman. Believe me I majored in Psychology and I know for a fact women's mind can be as dynamic (confused) as that of someone with Multiple personality disorder. They can be several people at once (their mum, friend, sister and oprah all put together). No one can read that. It makes life simple. No reading or studying required, just ask for the answer. All you have to do allow a woman to talk, let her say the world (Nag) don't interrupt o let her land and simple say "what do you want ?" she may talk some more and some more o, with more calm ask again preferably in another language, Ki lo fe se ?. she will say what she wants, if she wants A and says B please don't reason it mehn just give her B thats all.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  4. I just want a man to love me and prioritise my matter. He should really listen and not fake it like Olamide 9.30 implied.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
    • Ah I did not say he should fake it o. I said he should listen now, but he must ask and hear from you what you want. Ok I give you e.g of a pali. He went to his girls place and a quarrel started, he was wondering where that came from before he could say errm errm, the babe slap am Gbam, my guy waka go house. Later he call the girl say how far, the babe say idiot didnt you know you should have beaten me and done tibi, my guy tells her happily, so why didnt you tell me? Now how on earth could he have listened and processed that and prioritised and given what she wanted ehn smallest?

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
  5. It's hard to satisfy women and i believe communication is one of the most important, but complicated tool to use. If you have a good woman, you should be able to communicate positively with her. When she opens up and tells you what she really wants, you should also tell her why you can or cannot provide what she is asking for. We men just have to be diplomatic and reasonable about it. If there's no firm control on what they want / request / ask for, etc, one day you will buy her a brand new hyundai elantra...being reasonably priced in my opinion and she will say, she was expecting a Buggatti.....one needs to pray not to get caught up with an oliver twist woman, cos if it's in her blood, one will never be able to give her what she wants......if you have a woman who is not satisfied with the basics of food, shelter, clothing...all being reasonably priced, then you are sitting on a very loooooooong thing.....TGIF....have a nice weekend

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  6. Hmmmmmmm....oro nla.. when le hubs asks what I want, sometimes I just assumes he should know and shouldnt be asking me and when he doesnt ask and does d wrong thing I. get upset again. So really Im a woman and I dont even know what I want so sometimes I cut him some slack. But generally I guess woman just want to be loved but d way u show d love also matters sef. Lool... if u buy a woman material things to show love she may feel u r trying to buy her and if u dont she may feel ur stingy, if u show it wt sex she may feel u see her as a sex object and if u dont she will say u dont fine her attractive. o ga oo. I pity men sha. Lool.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  7. I totally agree with olamide ogunjana. It's no use try to figure it out. Just flow as the day goes,cos the needs change by the second.
    your example is perfect. But for a longer life and peaceful relationship, just ask, what do you want?
    I expect that question all the time. But shouldn't he know what I have been "trying " to say ? Like become a mind reader of some sort. Wooo. We don't have to figure everything out for men.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  8. 1. Make us your priority
    2. Be our best friends
    3. Love us unconditionally
    4. Dedicate time for us. Just us
    5. Be generous
    6. Be honest
    7. Give us qualitative sex regularly
    8. Notice us
    9. Be romantic
    10. Challenge us and motivate us

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
    • But can you do the same in return? That's the question. Most women want what they can't realistically give to their men. Don't feel entitled to what you can't reciprocate.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • I can do all that I have listed and much more. That's the dynamism of a woman we can do all you do and 20 more. Men drain women. Take, take and take till there's nothing left. We start marriage being wonderful, soft and giving people, somewhere down the line we become jaded and brittle. There's no entitlement here. I don't think my husband should do all this things just because I bear the label "wife". He should because I do all this and much more! If I give I should also be given. Nothing more, nothing less

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • That's why a woman is best at multi tasking. We are like chameleons we blend to fit whatever is going on. In childbearing we become carriers , when our men are broke we become financiers, sick we become doctors the list is endless

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • @foluke, if you claim you can, then that's great. But most women want what they can't even give.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • Maybe you could try teaching her to give what she's asking for. Lately i have realised that everything can be thought. i recently thought myself not to quarrel, fight or argue with husby. i enrolled in a 30 days peae challenge and today is day 20 i think. if you identify something your partner is deficient in, you need to try teaching. commence a 30 day learning challenge.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • Be better how? they don't want to try. they just want to chase the younger ones after using us as child bearing tools. we want romance, we want affection, we want generosity and we want honesty for putting up with all your bullshit!

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
  9. You cannot understand a confused person. So, no point trying. Just be calm and patient, say very little and let them do the talking. God suppose provide manual with them.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
    • Yup, confused!! They don't even know what they want. They want everything, and at the same time they want nothing. Its so confusing, no good man can keep up with a woman. That's why corny dude's stay winning.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • So happy I stumbled on this topic. I am tired of men asking this question. what did she want when you started dating? how come what she wants is now so hard to answer when she's now in your house. She's now the witch of Oz and you can't be bothered to remember what you used to do that tickled her pink. plursssssssssee. Unconfuse yourself

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • Madam, calm down. If you people know what you want, we wouldn't be having this discussion. Your wants are not reality, not constant, just all over the place. Personality disorder!!

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • Lol @manual. You need to try hard. No relationship is smooth, every relationship is hard work. Even with ur platonic friends, or parent child relationship.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
  10. Truth be told we women don't know what we want....lol. just be the perfect man no matter how imperfect we are....lol

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
    • madam lol,, you really don't know what you want as a grown woman? maybe I should stop hounding the men for being clueless. maybe we women are truly the clueless ones. Just the perfect man? where? in Disney land? are you princess Leila? You don't know what you want.... SMH

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • I agree with anonymous.. women don't know what they want. We wait on men (who by the way are clueless) to figure it out for us

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
  11. Ok. I need him to anticipate a need and drop ideas on how to execute it. Men generally wait, and assume u got it covered on their behalf. Multitasking is a female thing. Men cannot do this, so I expect my husband to say kuise , wen I do it. It's very important to me.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  12. I've been trolling the site for a few weeks now enjoying all the articles. Olamide has been urging me to comment but I resisted until I came across this article. Finally! A topic I can comment on. so here it goes...

    I think I agree with most men that women don't know what they want. A lot of women don't even know the difference between what they want and what they need ( a lot of times what we want is not necessarily what's good for us and hence not what we need), but I digress. What women want changes so often and so quick it is impossible to analyze. Furthermore it is often based on very random emotions so there is no rhyme, reason, logic or pattern to the mood swings. No kind of graph, formula or trend analysis can figure it out.

    I think a lot of times the act of "Listening" (or at least pretending to listen and be concerned) goes a longer way than the issue being discussed. Women want to feel that you care about what they have to say. This is why I subscribe to the Olamide Ogunjana school of thought. Listen, acknowledge that you have listened and heard, and then TRY to comply as best ... after all happy wife happy life is what they tell us.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  13. I don't think my needs are soo difficult to decipher. I just want to be given attention when I want it and to be left alone sometimes. its not easy being a wife, mom, cook, teacher, doctor, prayer warrior, cleaner, sex-goddess. I also want him to understand that when We r quarreling and I say it's okay, it definitely is not, he should beg me some more. He should learn to read my moods. It can't be as difficult as all those videogames he plays

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
    • Why can't women just say exactly how they feel. If its not okay and you want him to beg some more why not say so? Rather than expecting him to catch a hint and then getting even more upset when he doesn't figure it out. Things would be much simpler if women meant no when they say no and yes when they say yes!

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
    • God bless. you. it is no easy to decipher. I think its just simple. men are lazy. they would rather not argue but just say ok and say they have heard. ask them to repeat erything you said, hian! zero over 100. Not one word. then they say, lets just forget it. you win. hian! how about the thrill of been coaxed after an argument and acknowledging that you as the woman was, is and always right.
      we definitely know what we want. Men just refuse to tune in to our frequency.

      Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
      Reply
  14. Says the ALIEN to the HUMAN @laolu and why shouldn't he? Does he tell me before I know to stroke his ego or make him feel good? Why should I have to go the extra mile in expressing my needs and desires

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  15. olaolu, show me a woman who has ever said please , stop loving me too much, stop helping me out? none! Men need to watch and discern.READ THE MOODS! its not rocket science .

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  16. Chai, ayam always late to the party as usual 🙁 o Damn work LOL!!! ehen onto this VERY VERY interesting mata LOL "what do women want" Honestly, WOMEN DON'T LET THEM FOOL U!!!!! THE QUESTION SHOULD BE " WHY CAN'T MEN USE THE BRAIN????" like mimama said, it is NOT ROCKET SCIENCE haba!!!!! I think i would agree with some of the comments here, for me I believe it is giving me your listening ears and not just listen but after listening please do NOT do opposite of what i have just told you!!!! I think that is the problem!!!! Men say they listen ( more like pretend to listen) and then turn around to do the same thing you have just talked/complained about and then when u talk again....GBAM, they drop the "label" oh why does she NAG AAARRRGGGG!!!!! how wont i nag when it seems i am talking to a BRICK WALLLL!!!!!!!!! they just dont get it !!!!!! Honestly, i don't think there is much difference between these men and their kids, you have to repeat, repeat and repeat before they hear ( that is even if they hear). MEN LISTEN TO UR WOMAN and if you dont understand pls ASK, ASK and DO ASK!!!!!

    Thanks NJV for giving dis platform toh vent!!!! LOL.....Anyway after all and said,WE STILL LOVE OUR MEN, don't we women? hehhehe *evilgrin*

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  17. oh Anonymous 2250. i want to give u a hug and a wink too! you just killed me when u said, they are nt any different from their kids!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrrhhh ! dont even get me stared on that. Jisox!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  18. Listen and don't just hear her. Listen to what she's not saying. Pay attention to the small things. Notice them. Live her unconditionally and always reassure her of your love beyond sex. Protect her. Encourage and gently guide her. Respect her. Do unexpected things for her. Like leave her a note, write her a sonnet etc. It's the little things that matter most and go the farthest. Enjoy her and being solely with her. Let her know she's the only one you ever desire and no other women have the qualities she possesses and you admire the most. Live her with God's love and she will love you ever faithfully back.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  19. Women are not that complex abeg. There's a code for them, pretty much like BODMAS. That's why some men are more successful than others in dealing with women. Many men are inexperienced and hence don't understand the code.

    Bring an "experienced man" to the worst situation and see how he will weather the storm. Just like the dog whisperer has codes for seemingly wild/untameable dogs, so do some men.

    Women want lies!

    True lies.

    I remember a girl once telling me "I know you're lying, but I like the way you're telling it"

    Some relationships are not meant to be and if a woman dosent respect you for starters no amount of listening or being Mr nice guy will help you.

    "No life is complicated, only what you make it to be"-2pac

    A.O.O.

    Love this!(1)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  20. Jide Akin-Williams

    Since its looking like men can never change, my suggestion is women should go on strike or something. Let's see how that works. I'm in support of the women though. Please pack out of your homes for 1 week, leave the kids and just go away. Walahi if you don't see oga doing t'ibi with Ekaete when you come back, call me a bastard. Better go and manage your crisis. Una neva see where man dey use woman do Bash Ali. No be my granpapa eat forbidden fruit nao.

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
  21. Coughs... This so interesting

    I agree that sometimes as women we don’t know what we want as our needs/wants varies on our emotions and activities around us but that does not make the men right about.

    For the married men, you sound so funny and unrealistic, before she became your wife in the days of hide and seek, how come you were able to read all her mood and know how to make her happy but now that she has the title ‘MRS SOMEBODY’ you suddenly feel that water now runs in body.

    What happened to all the attention she got while you were chasing her about in her father’s yard, what changed about how you used to make her happy whenever she was sad. Abeg I taya for all this men, I agree that they are lazy and cannot be bothered about her feelings especially now that the women are stuck for good under their roof.

    As for me I support men giving back to the ladies what they get from them even if they cannot do extra. 50 ,50 no cheating ( Tongue out )

    Love this!(0)Naaah!(0)
    Reply
+ Follow